Extramarital affairs is the easiest or most common channel for spouses to indulge in adultery and then begins the saga of numerous problems. A simple 'look around' our neighbourhood and acquaintances will remind us of this reality. In the European, and American countries this is a very famous trend such that 5 out of 10 children have their parents split before they even clear high school.
We aren't discussing the reasons for a bad marriage or reasons for divorce. What we are discussing is only one factor (i.e extra marital affairs / adultery} , and it is one of the main factors in the lives of many which lead to divorce and other emotional breakdowns.
Before we begin:
Sex researchers like Sherry Hite, has claimed through her research that 70% of women who have been married for five years or more are having affairs.
Source : http://www.forbes.com/2009/06/28/sanford-ensign-affair-opinions-columnists-extramarital-sex.html
Cheating Wives on the rise : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/02/cheating-wives_n_3536412.html
More such discoveries and their subsequent publications only imply that such a calamity, has not become a part and parcel of the lives of many : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/infidelity-statistics/
This disease reached sky high numbers, which pushed many NGO's and experts to study and thereafter print their long list of solutions to avoid this infidelity; as early as 1970-1980's and perhaps even before . In recent decades, such researches have made it to our local papers , for example : http://www.nytimes.com/1998/07/04/arts/getting-serious-about-adultery-who-does-it-and-why-they-risk-it.html
From issuing threats, to offering counselling and medication, all efforts have been made in order to saving a couple from their vibe of dishonesty . Yet, the statistics in recent times only show the opposite. Comparing the success rates of marriage
The number of divorces in England and Wales have slightly increased- as shown by the latest figures out today from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) showing a total of 118,140 divorces in 2012 - an increase of 0.5% since 2011.
According to the release in 2012 - the latest year published - there were a total of 118,140 divorces, a slight increase on 2011, when there were 117,558. Of the 2012 total, almost half of these divorces occurred in the first 10 years of marriage, with divorces most likely to occur between the fourth and eighth wedding anniversary. The ONS release also shows that 71% of divorces were for first marriages.
The 2010 divorce figure was one of the first increases in several years and as we previously reported , was up 4.9% on the 2009 total.
Source : http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2010/jan/28/divorce-rates-marriage-ons
A rough statistics of USA also show that it has ever since only increased: http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005044.html
The census.gov research paper on the historical marriage trend from 1890-2000 shows likewise : http://www.census.gov/hhes/socdemo/marriage/data/acs/ElliottetalPAA2012paper.pdf
Many argue in favor of the temporary pleasures of adultery totally neglecting the damage it is inevitably causes in the long run. Not only does adultery or extramarital affair leads to rising the stress levels and causing discomfort and insecurity in the lives of the man or woman both inside and outside their working environment, but it also casts a big blow to everyone associated with them, especially the family and children.
Health and Psychology Experts Find Extramarital Affairs Have a Profound Impact on Children : http://www.nytimes.com/1989/03/09/us/health-psychology-experts-find-extramarital-affairs-have-profound-impact.html
Moreover, experts found that with such parents being looked upon as role models, their children are prone to having affairs themselves when they marry and thus the cycle continues or repeats itself.
Being raised in an environment of deceit between the parents , the child eventually grasp the idea of "lying" or "cheating" being okay for him or her to imitate. Further taking these characteristic traits of their parents to a next level thereby eventually leading them to become ungrateful, dishonest and disrespectful with their very own mother and father - something which is taken very very seriously in Islam and many of the existing world cultures like in the South Asian subcontinent.
BELOW ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF HOW ADULTERY TENDS TO DESTROY EVERYTHING IN IT'S PATH
Former police chief's extra-marital affairs damaged police reputation, says report
Source: http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2009/feb/10/police
Also : http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/7654571.stm
2) Fed up with his wife’s extra-marital affair, a 29-year-old man allegedly committed suicide by hanging himself from the ceiling of his Pratiksha Nagar residence in Sion. However, before ending his life, he recorded a statement on his mobile phone.
3) Police woman killed herself after sending text to husband instead of lover by mistake
A police officer killed herself after writing a text to her lover thanking him for a ''wonderful'' date but accidentally sent it to her husband, an inquest heard.
PC Gail Crocker, 46, met a fellow officer while her husband Peter, 49, was on a business trip in London.
Later that evening the mum-of-two typed a message on her mobile saying: "Thank you for a wonderful evening. Only wish we could do this more often".
Source : http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/10493838/Police-woman-killed-herself-after-sending-text-to-husband-instead-of-lover-by-mistake.html
A large factor also to blame with regards to parents cheating on each other is the very culture and surrounding they live in. From drive through marriages to overnight wedding bride , all of this has but naturally to be a very important factor affecting this huge divorce rate . Wall street journal published the highest bidders for divorcee states. : http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304441304579477641541463648
Likewise huffington did too and you'd be surprised reading the sky high rates : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/08/state-divorce-rates_n_775688.html#s167807title=Nevada
Forty percent of Shanghai's divorced men and women say their ex-spouses' extramarital affairs caused the breakup of their marriages, a recent survey by the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences has found. . In Shanghai, she said, married women are more likely to engage in extramarital affairs than married men. That's because the city is the most "modern" locale in China and women have more opportunities to "socialize," Xu theorized.
But in Guangzhou in southern China, married men are more likely to have affairs, she said.
Five-hundred divorced Shanghai men and women ranging in age from 29 to 60 with one child in primary or secondary school were polled.
"We have finished investigating seven places, including big cities like Shanghai and Xiamen and rural areas in Guangdong, Hebei and Anhui provinces," Xu said.
The above representation is merely a quick, take away package , showing a brief insight into the far reaching consequences of adultery or extra marital affairs, which is - accept it or not - a major factor and trend in many countries today, especially the west.
WHY THE SHARI`AH ?
Now comes the part where we explain how Islamic legislations serve as a solution to eradicating this disease and unfortunate trend .
First off : In Islam, the rights of a husband and wife upon each other are taken very seriously. They are taught in the most detailed and concerned way by scholars in their sermons, lectures or books. They are also taught by our very families too as a part and parcel of our upbringing. We muslims learn this from our prophet muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) who is our role model.
Here is a quick illustration of how the commander in chief, the king, the governor, the ruler, the political and religious head - Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him, despite his tedious schedule and meticulous yet huge responsibilities , dealt with his wives :
Note: Before you read this article , keep in mind that this was 1435 years ago. An era which treated women , worse than what the westerners treated their slaves in the recent centuries. The reason i have shared his example is because he is the source who explains, commands, teaches and displays how to enact and implement the command of God. how many leaders of his calibre exist, let alone be able to display such perfectness in both their personal as well as administrative life duties? Comparing him to the very leaders or kings we have seen in our history, rarely would one qualify to be able to come even closer to how he has been with his family despite the massive chunk of responsibility and grades he was in hold and control of. The most striking factor about him, is the balance with which he fulfilled his responsibilities. He did not become the romeo who is more of a lover than of a man or king or a leader and he did not become one of those cruel and adamant land after land conquering fanatics who treated women as their wine cups.
And all of this is crystal clear when one reads his biography from a Muslim source enlisting every piece of info traced back to authentic reports - a science, which is unique to the Muslims only .
Table of contents :
♥ UNDERSTANDING THEIR JEALOUSY AND LOVE ♥
♥ COMPLAINING TO AND CONSULTING THEM ♥
♥ Demonstrating his Love & Loyalty to them ♥
♥ Choosing the Best Nicknames to them : ♥
♥ Choosing the Best Nicknames for them : ♥
♥ Eating & Drinking with them with love♥
♥ Not Complaining of their Circumstances : ♥
♥ Leaning & Sleeping in their Laps ♥
♥ Going on Picnics & Accompanying Them ♥
♥ Helping them in the Household Duties ♥
♥ Calming Them Down when they are Panicking ♥
♥ Giving Presents and Showing Respect and Affection to their Friends ♥
♥ Expressing joy at their happiness ♥
♥ Feeling Pleased when they are Glad ♥
♥ Trying the best to make them happy ♥
♥ TREATING EACH ONE OF THEM EQUALLY ♥
♥ RACING AND PLAYING WITH THEM ♥
♥ SAVING THEM FROM ANY HARM ♥
See the above and the rights of women in Islam in this article : http://the-finalrevelation.blogspot.com/2012/08/how-the-prophet-treated-his-wives.html
Some of his famous sayings are :
“The best of you (in character and honor) are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”
[Ref: Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. ]
“You never spend anything but you will be rewarded for it, even the morsel of food that you lift to your wife’s mouth.”
[Ref: Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6352; Muslim, 1628.]
Islam also teaches the rights of a husband upon his wife.
The rights are too many to enlist so i will only outsource this to authentic links which can help the reader get an idea of the beautiful balance and meticulous minute details to which this religion pays attention to .
See : http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=articles&id=151196
And see one of the scholarly websites of this religion explaining the rights of mutual companionship (this is covered briefly in 3-4 parts): http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/articles/182931/mutual-rights-good-companionship-i
Not only this, but there is a handsome reward for both the husband and wife for fulfiling their obligations towards each other which not only helps them live happily in this world but also in the next by piling up mountains of good deeds stored in reserved for them . So apart from commanding, Islam also pays attention to handsomely rewarding.
So, having mentioned the rights and rewards above, once both the husband and wife realize their religious and moral duties, of how and what they are and will be held responsible for both in this life and on the day of judgement ,then even major fights will bound to seize let alone divorces or affairs. People fear the law and tend to ward off their criminal activities. Likewise, the king of kings, the lord of lords, the creator and sustainer to whom we shall return , is more rightful of being feared and thus obeying his commands (which serve only good for us) is in our best interest.
Apart from various branches of solution and counselling like islamic courts ,Islam also has strict punishments implemented upon those who break the law thereby soiling their own life, their marriage and their children and families . The crimes vary from falsely accusing a woman or a man to disrespecting parents or hitting a woman and so on.
The islamic punishment in accordance to Qur`an and the prophetic teachings vary from situation to situation and unlike other religions, Islam is as vast as oceans and thus has not only millions of pages to research and study from but also a vast form of unique codex system that helps govern these rules. You can find these rules on two websites known for their authenticity and referencing. www.islamqa.com and www.islamweb.com (the english version) . The punishment ranges from lashes, confiscation and distribution of wealth to the oppressed spouse and his/her children to stoning and others.
Stoning and likewise punishment is not something "specific" to Islam. rather christianity, judaism and major world cultures and religion share stoning and similar punishment. Laws, if not strict would not really deter criminals from violating the rights of people. Many a times as we see today, people with henious crimes get a short jail period with all the facilities and come out easy. How is such a system supposed to remove the evil from society? Both humanity and law should go hand in hand
Some references from the Bible's Old and New Testaments :
Exodus 20:14 "You shall not commit adultery."
Deuteronomy 22:22 "If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die."
Leviticus 20:10 "If a man commits adultery with another man's wife--with the wife of his neighbor--both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death."
Proverbs 6:32 "But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself." He destroys himself by being put to death as shown above.
Leviticus 21:9 "And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire." Why should only a daughter of a priest gets burnt to death if she profanes herself? Why can't this law apply to all daughters?
Deuteronomy 25:11-12 "If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity." This doesn't make any sense what so ever! Why should the woman get her hands cut off for defending her husband? It's not like she was cheating on him or anything like that!
Similarly, death penalty is not something new. This has been existent since time immemorial and anyone who is educated enough about the world history and current world law should be aware of this. For example the death penalties in USA in itself is high and for various adaptable reasons. See http://www.deathpenaltyworldwide.org/country-search-post.cfm?country=United+States+of+America
Likewise for many countries across the globe.
Many countries don't include adultery or extramarital affair into their zone of "liability for punishment" or even an "offense" whereas Islam on the other hands, takes this very seriously considering this as a breach of trust and love against one's partner. Undoubtedly, such cases as shown above and is known widely, causes the wife or husband to traverse a path of loneliness, stress and eventually be subject to ailments and diseases. Some commit suicide leaving their children orphan whereas some end up murdering or resorting to other crimes to ease their tension (such as Woman strangled for having an affair with brother-in-law - See more at: http://harare24.com/index-id-news-zk-17373.html#sthash.ATHS9BZq.dpuf ). How can such a thing not be taken offensive in itself?
The verdict of Supreme court of India states :
Merely being "intimate" with another woman is not sufficient ground for a man to be held guilty of inflicting cruelty on his wife on the charge of failing to discharge his marital obligations, the Supreme Court ruled on Monday.
Only if treatment meted out to the wife is of a nature as is likely to drive her to commit suicide will it fall within the ambit of Section 498A of IPC, a provision of the penal code providing up to three years in jail, said the bench.
A quick example of the islamic punishment for men transgressing the rights of women
A court in Saudi Arabia has sentenced a man to five years in jail and to 2,400 lashes for assaulting his mother. : http://gulfnews.com/news/gulf/saudi-arabia/saudi-mother-beater-gets-2-400-lashes-1.1293486
A tooth for a tooth: Saudi who punched his mother in the jaw is ordered to have the same tooth broken in his own mouth that he damaged in hers : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2564085/A-tooth-tooth-Saudi-punched-mother-jaw-ordered-tooth-broken-mouth-damaged-hers.html
Saudi Arabia gives 20 lashes punishment to man for beating wife : http://www.deccanchronicle.com/131204/news-world/article/saudi-arabia-gives-20-lashes-punishment-man-beating-wife
Saudi court sentences husband to 20 lashes for accusing his new wife of not being a virgin in front of her father : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2531244/Saudi-court-sentences-husband-20-lashes-accusing-new-wife-not-virgin-father.html
Note: the mishandling, mis application and injustice carried out by the fallible people in charge should not be applied unanimously or generally upon Islam. Rather, it is absurd to blame the faults of people upon the God or the religion. This is what the modern day biased media should foremost understand and implement.
CONCLUSION
1) The rights of a wife and husband, when exercised or implemented would not only prevent the spouses of being dishonest , and thereby spoiling their marriage but also would give them a higher degree of mental satisfaction and stress-free living. As the fact goes that it's not always the money that keeps you happy , but the human character and morals that bring a smile to your face
2) Islam not only commands and rewards the spouses, but also implements the necessary punishments for Adultery and it's likes, so as to maintain law and order .
